From the moment you enter the realm of BDSM, it can be everything you ever desired, or may have a lot left to be desired. I hope that for those reading this, it has been the former. One’s perception when entering this world changes and evolves over time. Fantasy vs reality can be two very different things. I know that for some, they would much prefer leaving their thoughts and fantasies as just that, thoughts and fantasies. Whereas others have a deep craving and desire to turn their fantasies into reality. I am an advocator for the Safe Sane Consensual (SSC) rules and understanding between two parties- the Dominant and the submissive. When these needs are met, a wonderful and fruitful journey can transpire between these two parties, some lasting longer than others.
I know that when I first became a Domme versus the Dominant I am today, I have learnt so much along the way and I am sure that I will continue to do so. I particularly note how I have evolved and the things that I crave and desire have also evolved along with me. I do however have some core inclinations that have never changed, and I am sure that is similar for many out there. I know that for many submissives, the journey starts with having deep hunger for their needs to be met. This could be the love of feet, a yearning to be hurt or humiliated. Each person usually having an origin point that may or may not be relevant to this day. Either way, that longing, that itch must be scratched and so the person reaches out to find someone who can fulfil that.
As I always say to my submissives, honesty is absolutely key in any relationship but especially in BDSM. The submissive cannot expect the Domme to know what they are thinking, even though they may seem like a mind reader. They must be proactive in reaching out and telling the Dominant what is on their mind, so that the relationship as well as sessions/kink can progress in a healthy manner. For me, the more information the better. I know that eventually, I will know you better than you know yourself! However, this isn’t the case for everyone, so discuss this with the Dominant. Either way, communication is still absolutely key in establishing solid foundations that will lead to a healthier and more fulfilling journey as one progresses.
Having these needs met may not come straight away, perhaps they struggle to find chemistry with the right person, perhaps they still don’t fully understand what it is that they want- now this, is a key point to note. Very few submissives out there actually know what it is that they want, fortunately, Dominants are often those to step in and guide the way. A Dominant guides you in the right direction and eventually, for the right person, will be steered in the direction that they want. Once you let go of your carnal desires and find trust, comfort and safety, yet vulnerability in that person. It can open up so many doors. Often still having one’s core tenets but expanding on those to reach new heights in BDSM and to please one’s Domme. The new desire, the new craving is learning how to please Her, how to deliver on the things that She wants and needs.
Obviously the above only applies to those who have more submissive tendencies, but you may surprise yourself, for the right person, even those who are only ‘kinky’, may be led and made to submit by the right Dominant. Have you considered how your journey has developed over time? Have you found the right Domme to lead you down this path, a journey that has no end? One of the things that I know I wanted then and still do now is exactly that, developing a journey with the right submissives. This has been and continues to be the most fruitful and fulfilling parts of being a Dominant.
~ Empress