Living life as a closet woman (BDSM)

Life is not easy or for the faint of heart and it certainly doesn’t make it any easier when you were born the wrong sex.

Over the years, I have had many subs that have come to me who are ashamed of their sex, their penis, the fact that they are male. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to live life knowing that you are in the wrong body.

Nowadays, people are able to do something about it, through hormone therapy and surgery, though I am aware that this is not for everyone. Many of you out there do not feel as though you have this option available to you. You have wives, families, friends which affect your decision to come out into the open. What choice does that then leave for people in this position?



Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images

BDSM isn’t for everyone, but for those of which it is it can be a cathartic release, a way to live that life in private so that no one but you and the Dominant will ever know. Living a double life isn’t easy, but neither is trying to repress those needs and urges.

From my experience, I know that BDSM can be an amazing way to re-centre oneself, de-stress and experience that which you cannot outside of the dungeon walls.

Similarly with the guilty feelings that can arise from being into something different from the norm, this can also arise in those who wish to have been born the opposite sex. Feelings of shame about how their friends and family would feel, guilt about how it would affect their relationship, but mostly the judgment that they feel on themselves. Though this is not the case for everyone, it certainly is for many.

It is a shame to see the number of people who feel as though they are ‘too old for this’ or, ‘I shouldn’t be doing this as I have a family’ etc. Most of the time, it can be detrimental for ones mental health to repress such feelings and tendencies. You can live all of your life trying to keep it under wraps, only to get to the end and realise that you didn’t enjoy your life whilst you had the chance. Now, I am not suggesting by any means to tell all of your friends and family and have surgery, that is for you and only you to decide. I am implying that if you have these needs and desires, rather than to suppress them, to embrace them in a safe environment.

It can be very easy to get carried away and to do things that is perhaps regrettable when one looks back. The transition into acting, walking, talking, dressing and being like a woman is certainly no easy task and is therefore far better when coordinated by a professional Dominatrix. A Domme can also help to tease out the thoughts that you have negative or otherwise and manage them in a way that is not destructive.

The thing to take away from this post, is simply, do not repress your needs and desires. They will keep coming back, your thoughts will keep haunting you and that will never stop. If they are managed and expressed in a healthy way, you can live a beautiful and fulfilled life that is balanced between the vanilla and BDSM world. Though it is no easy task.

If this speaks to you, find a Dominatrix that you trust, who wants to help guide you on this path and will help you when you falter and fall (especially in those 7” stilettoes!).

Trust is one of the biggest components of a D/s relationship and must be taken seriously when delving into this world. Caring and understanding for the other is a necessity. A Dominant should always take your worries and concerns seriously and talk with you through them so that you manage and understand them better.

Whether through giving tasks, having real time sessions or any other method of interaction, a Dominant can help you become the woman you want to be whilst dealing with all of the niggles on the way.

Keep your head high and know that you don’t have to do it alone.

~ Empress Akari

This post is specifically about the BDSM aspects of submissives who have the deep desire to have been born the other sex, or those who are men who wish to act and/or dress as a woman.

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Advice blog by Empress Akari