Being a Dominant is not an easy job. I am sure that there are a number of ignorant folk out there that believe that’s it’s just about wielding a whip and beating someone with it.
Those involved in kink know full well that this is not the case (or at least they should do!). I believe that relationships, regardless of their nature are a two way street, in a ‘I rub your back you rub mine’ sort of way, though of course this is just an analogy 😉
Some may see it that subs put more work in than Dommes, but is that actually true? Of course, I am not talking for every Domme and different people have different beliefs after all, it would be boring if we were all the same. My stance however is that I help my subs grow as submissives as well as people, help them achieve their goals, whether BDSM related or not. This is but a small fraction of what I want in some but of course not all of my submissives. On the other hand, what do my subs do for me? That is for them to know and for you to find out from experience!
So, what happens behind the scenes?
Each submissive is treated on an individual basis and each session is bespoke. It obviously takes time and preparation to know how the session will flow when we walk into the dungeon. For me, it is important to know what makes a person tick, why they like certain things, what moved them in that direction in the first place and what their goals are. For the most part, these are questions that they have not asked themselves and therefore it is about me teasing these pieces of information from them, whether through their body language, written or verbal communication.
When I prepare for a session, I think about all of the needs, wishes and desires of the person that I will see, this changes as I get to know them as we both gain trust and rapport.
When a submissive and I have an initial session, it is normally discussed beforehand via email otherwise it is discussed thoroughly when we meet and usually both. When given the information beforehand, I create an image of who they are and what they want in my mind, so that I can ask the relevant questions when we meet.
After session, I usually enjoy receiving some feedback, if the submissive and I are to meet again; this is always a good basis to go from. Feedback can also be a cathartic and reflective process for the submissive who may otherwise not have thought about it besides how much they enjoyed 'X'. This then helps build upon the sessions in the future.
This just scratches the surface...
You must also take into consideration all of the time that we have taken to prepare our makeup, purchasing our clothing, reviewing and improving our websites, creating content, taking and editing photographs. The list as I am sure you can tell is hardly complete.
So, as you can see, the work of a Dominant never ends! And this is but a small fraction of what I and other Dommes do outside of our session time. So, next time you see your Dominant, look at her with new found fervor and respect, for that is of course what She deserves.